I will be the first to admit, because no one else will say so because they don’t care enough to notice, that I am set in my ways. I have a very particular morning routine that I enjoy immensely. It is as regular as regular can be. I’ll share it with you.
I do not set alarm clocks to wake myself up. They startle me and start my day off in an awfully anxious way. I wish someone would wake me up gently like you would wake up a baby. My dad never used an alarm clock. He would decide what time he would wake up and that’s what he did. And, now, that’s what I do. I decide to get up early or late, depending on the day I have planned. Early is 4:30-5:00 and late is 6:30-7:00. And somehow, my body knows it’s time to wake up. I have never overslept in my life.
I usually don’t sit on the side of the bed when I wake up. I lie there under the warm blankets,(I am too cheap to run the heater at night) asking myself which day of the week it is. Once I surmise the day, I throw the blankets back and stand beside the bed, getting my balance. I also groan and moan because I hurt. My Uncle J.W. told me once that when you get old something always hurts. He was right. Usually in the morning my legs, knees, and back hurt. I think it’s because when I sleep I do not move. I stay in one position all night long.
My first steps are always to the window. I peek through the blinds to see if a SWAT team has my drug dealing neighbor surrounded, and to see what the weather is like. After five years at my address I still expect SWAT to take down my neighbor. I guess they are too busy.
Then I go to the restroom. When you get old you will do this a lot. It’s just the way it works. It’s like tithing. Put a little bit in and you get a whole lot more out. It works. try it.
Then I go to the kitchen and let my dog, Sophie out into the backyard. I refill her water bowl, look out the kitchen window at the thermometer, and then let Sophie back in. Then I open the blinds in the living room to let the sun in, if I got up after sunrise.
I sit on the couch and look at my IPhone for several minutes as if I have never seen one before. I try to remember what buttons to push to find the news. I always want to know what happened while I was asleep. But I have a simple rule: “If it did not happen in Dallas County, I don’t need to know about it. So, I don’t have an interst in CNN or Fox News. I just scroll through the applications for CBS 11, Fox 4, and NBC 5. And every morning I try to read the Dallas Morning News, but I am not a registered user. But still, every morning I go to their application and try. I am not sure why. I like the old Dallas Times Herald better anyway. I hated that they merged. I also look to see who is waiting for my moves on Words With Friends. I don’t play it early in the morning becuase I am hungover from sleeping and being old, not from drinking.
Then I go to the kitchen and eat breakfast. Breakfast is whatever I am in the mood for-eggs, bacon, sausage, BBQ sandwich, cereal, pizza, oatmeal, PBJ sandwich, whatever. It’s all good.
Then I sit on the couch and and eat while looking at the television. I cancelled the cable several months ago. There is no picture on my television. I don’t even turn it on. But, old habits die hard. When you are old you stick with routines that work. No changes.
Then I take my plate to the kitchen and unlaod and load the dshwasher. I spray 409 on the counters and wipe them down and then think of making something to take to work for lunch, and decide just to come home for lunch. I do this everyday as if it is a new decision making process. One day I will decide to take my lunch. I need to leave all options open.
Then I sit outside and smoke the other half of the half of a cigar I smoked last night. It does not taste as good, but nicotine is nicotine no matter the taste. I tell myself my addiction could be worse. I could be drinking rum each morning. And sometimes, that does not sound too bad at all. But, I have never tried it.
I then go inside and sit on the sofa staring toward the television. I tell myself that I need to dust, wash the dog, and change the ac filter. But, I don’t.
I look at my schedule to determine when my first appointment is and decide, as I do each day to begin getting ready one hour prior to that appointment. And then I play endless games of Words With friends with my friend Tony who beats me 7 out of 10 games because he uses AHI, QI, and ZA much more than I do on triple letter squares. Then when the appointed time comes I get ready for work, get in my truck and drive two blocks from home where I discover I left my IPHONE on the coffee table again. I curse aloud, turn the truck around, pull into the driveway, open the garage door, leave the truck running with the door open, worry someone will steal it as I run in and discover that my IPHONE is in my coat pocket that I am wearing. I curse more.
I leave home again, make a bank deposit, worry about things I never thought about before in my entire life, like what if I break a tooth, or what if a cop stops me and thinks I am a burglar, etc. I am always glad to get to the office. I enjoy it there.
That’s my morning routine. It would be quite different if alarm clocks didn’t scare me. I think I would sleep until it was time to get ready for work, not check on the SWAT team, eat breakfast, smoke, or forget my IPHONE. That would be pretty cool.
